I have often heard that bi is just a gay waiting-room. When I came out as gay, I felt badly for contributing to that stereotype – because in many cases it is simply not true. People really are bisexual – in every sense of the word. It is a real sexuality and I think as a community we need to be more supportive of that.
Sure, there are plenty of cases where someone is bi for a while and then realizes they are either gay or straight, and that’s okay. It happens. Sometimes it’s a casualty of self-discovery. We need to acknowledge and be sensitive to that without then assuming that bisexuality is a phase for everyone. Let’s be a little more open-minded.
There are also instances where a person will have sexual relations with a person of the same-sex but only date (or plan to marry) someone of the opposite sex. I think this makes us uncomfortable because to us it implies shame. It also allows that person to “pass” for straight. They have all the benefits of heterosexual privilege while eating their cake too. We think it’s unfair; that they’re taking advantage of the system or something. Perhaps they are, but it’s really not for us to decide who anyone dates or sleeps with – at least I thought that’s what we’re trying to convince other people of.
I have heard that some people are uncomfortable with dating a bisexual individual because they’re worried that person will miss the other gender. It’s hard enough to compete with one gender, but when dating someone who’s bi, you have twice the competition. She might leave you for a man, and if she does it’s not something you can argue with – not a need you can meet. While I recognize some people might feel this way, and they’re entitled to their fears – I’ll even admit I’ve been worried about it at times – it is, when you think about it, pretty irrational. When you date anyone, of any sexuality, there’s always the possibility for cheating. She can leave you, at any time. That’s scary, but it doesn’t change with bisexuals. If she leaves you, she leaves you – does it really matter who it’s with or for? It still sucks. The issue here is whether or not you trust the person you are dating. If you do, it doesn’t matter how big the pool is or how many genders she could be attracted to, she’s committed to you and just as she trusts you to be faithful, you have to trust her. If you can’t handle it, date someone else. It’s not fair to assume that just because someone is bi she is a cheater or a flake. We have to stop marginalizing each other.
Whether a person is confused, who they sleep with versus date, or what they like in general, does not negate the fact that there are people who identify as bisexual, period. Sexuality is a spectrum after all, and some people fall in the middle.
I have a few friends who are bi. They date men and they date women – not at the same time (though if they did, that would be their and their partners’ prerogatives). They are attracted to both genders and date for love. I say more power to them – challenge the gender binary, swim in your bigger pond, find who you’re looking for. I don’t think these people are manipulating or taking advantage of the “system.” They’re simply being who they are and we need to understand, accept and embrace it.
It frustrates me when people discount bisexuality off-hand as something that is either a phase or a show; especially when that someone is within the queer community. We have so much hate, ignorance, discomfort and negative energy constantly thrown our way, we should be protecting our sisters (and brothers) and educating the outside world rather than isolating the bi contingent.
If we are truly fighting for sexual tolerance and freedom, we should not and cannot dismiss bisexuality.
http://thenewgay.net/2011/02/theres-a-b-in-lgbt.html
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