in:http://www.ottawacitizen.com/teen+blog+reveals+final+weeks+before+suicide/5562350/story.html#ixzz1b4vyQfNR
Photograph by: Family photo, .
OTTAWA — Jamie Hubley documented the final month of his life in heartbreaking and painful detail.
The 15-year-old Ottawa boy, a son of Coun. Allan Hubley and his wife, Wendy Barber, kept a blog in which he wrote openly of his struggles with depression and the challenges of being an openly gay teenager.
"I wish I could be happy, I try, I try, I try . . . I just want to feel special to someone," he wrote.
He was, of course, special to many people but, tragically, the Grade 10 student took his own life Saturday.
Suicide is the second-leading cause of death for Canadians between the ages of 10 and 24 and disproportionately affects gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth.
The flag at Kanata's A.Y. Jackson secondary school was flying at half-staff Monday and nearby, several groups of students were hanging out together in huddles, some crying and offering each other hugs.
"Our school community is in mourning and together, we will support each other in this time of need," said the school's principal, Mark Harris, in a written statement.
"From the outside, he looked like the happiest kid. He was always smiling and giving everybody hugs in the halls," said Steph Wheeler, a close friend who had known Jamie since the pair were in figure-skating together as children a decade ago.
But Wheeler, 16, knew the sensitive boy was struggling with being out in high school and often felt the sting of verbal bullying. She said all that Jamie wanted was what every teenager wants — somebody to love.
"I just remember him wanting a boyfriend so bad, he'd always ask me to find a boy for him. I think he wanted someone to love him for who he was," she said.
Jamie had struggled with depression in the past. But despite how he felt on the inside, he often put a smile on his face, setting aside his own pain for others.
"Even though he was feeling down all the time, he always made everybody else feel better," she said.
A gifted actor and singer — he loved Lady Gaga, Adele and Katy Perry, and posted numerous videos of himself singing on his personal YouTube channel — Jamie wrote a month ago that he was looking forward to taking dance lessons this winter.
"Something to look forward to," he wrote.
But he also wrote of his sadness and despair, about being called a "fag."
In a post three weeks ago, he said he was depressed, that medications he was taking weren't working, and that being gay in high school was so hard — a thousand times harder in real life than on the popular television show, Glee, which he loved.
"I hate being the only open gay guy in my school . . . It f---ing sucks, I really want to end it," he wrote.
The blog postings are interspersed with angst-filled quotes and startling images of self-harm — gathered from all over the web, as well as other pictures of celebrities, clothing and men kissing passionately.
On Friday, Jamie made a final, heartbreaking post.
He thanked his family and his friends, but wrote that he just couldn't take it anymore.
"Im tired of life really. Its so hard, Im sorry, I cant take it anymore.
"Its just too hard," he wrote, later referencing It Gets Better, a popular online campaign in which millions of people have posted heartfelt video messages directed at young people struggling with their sexuality and acceptance in the world.
"I dont want to wait 3 more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not."
He ended with another reference, this one to Glee and a subplot this season about Kurt Hummel, a character who is also openly gay and highly talented.
"Remember me as a Unicorn," he wrote.
On the show, the unicorn refers to someone who is different, but special inside.
The Hubley family requested privacy Sunday, as did many of the people who knew Jamie best.
"Thank you to all the people sending us messages. Their love for Jamie will keep us going in our time of need," Allan Hubley said Saturday on Twitter.
In Jamie's honour, Wheeler has ordered 1,000 silicone bracelets, which she plans to sell at A.Y. Jackson and other local high schools to raise money for Jer's Vision, an anti-bullying and anti-homophobia group Jamie was fond of.
The rainbow-coloured bracelets will say "acceptance" on the outside and "Rest in peace Jamie Hubley" on the inside.
She also said the Rainbow Alliance club Jamie started in order to help other students in his shoes feel at home in the school will hopefully continue in his honour.
Cathy Curry, the public school trustee for Kanata, said a team of counsellors will be in the school this week to support students and make sure everyone has someone to talk to.
"It's unbelievably sad," she said. "I can't imagine what Allan and his wife and his family are going through."
A funeral will be held on Thursday.
in: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/teen+blog+reveals+final+weeks+before+suicide/5562350/story.html#ixzz1b4vyQfNR
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